You know, your mom has helped me so much. She tells me when I write you, you know and that’s the best way to communicate. So, here I am. I’m trying. Crying. It’s so hard to think about you, think about you not being here.
I have tears that burn that make my throat clench so hard I feel like I can’t breath. I hate it. I hate this feeling and it’s all because i want you back here so bad. I listen to music so much to help me cope with you. Let it be by John Lennon I listen to 782374 times a day, it makes me cry. I can’t just let you be. I can’t. I cannot physically, mentally, or emotionally do it I am not capable.
Today I was told that the grief process I go through for you is laying down the framework for how I will deal when other people leave my life. Undoubtedly you being the reason for my first exposure to loss of someone I really love is something I hate. But how beautiful is it that it’s from you I am learning all this? I think it’s pretty honorable and truly touching. Michaela you were always an old soul, so enriched with wisdom, the best advice and undying compassion. You’re not even here and look at all the wisdom you’re giving me. Thanks dude. I fucking love you. I LOVE YOU, I love you, I love you, I love you and I hope you can see and feel this feeling I have in my soul.
I’m really struggling without you. I mean as positive as I just sounded in my last paragraph is not an accurate depiction to how I feel about you being gone on a daily basis, or even hourly basis. I love you and I miss you. I’m so upset. Being diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADD is a lot for me to deal with and I feel like you’ve been with me every step of the way which is really nice. The two dreams I had with you two weeks ago were so vivid, they HAD to have been you. It was all too real. I wish all this pain and hurt and crying and sadness and upset and loneliness and confusion could like magically bring you back. I am starting to have a mental break down now and I am at a loss of words. I’ll write later dude.
I love you
I miss you